Tachyon Like Gobsmack Particle Discovered at Bain Capital

Fresh on the heels of the Higgs Boson discovery, GOP pundits scrambling to account for Romney's ties to Bain Capital since 1999 have apparently stumbled onto a strange particle with characteristics sometimes attributed to the hypothesized tachyon, already being dubbed the "Gobsmack Particle." Top Romney campaign advisor Edward Gillespie proposed on NBC's Meet The Press this morning that manipulating these particles in an undisclosed process over which Bain retains proprietary interest enabled Mitt Romney to "retroactively retire" from Bain so that he "was not there" even when he was signing multiple documents as Chairman, CEO, and sole stockholder. The Romney campaign is reported to be exploring a "retroactive veto" procedure by means of which it will turn out that Governor Romney also "wasn't there" in Massachusetts when he passed Romneycare. Many observers have noted with curiosity that during his appearance Gillespie repeatedly referred to Romney not by name but by the title "Master of All Space and Time." Host David Gregory did not seem nonplussed by this nor did he press for clarification.